A few years ago I stayed five days with a family in the South and experienced first hand Tamil family life. It was a couple whose youngest son, a 20 year old student, still lived with them.

In the morning the lady of the house was doing puja, deity worship with incense, light, food offering and prayer, and meditation in the puja room right next to the living room. The living room was occupied by her husband and her son who where watching a blaring loud TV. A respectful lowering of the TV sound or turning it off so she could perform her worship in silence did not happen. No one was interested to join her either.

Dinner time was interesting. The wife served her husband and son first, I as the guest was next. While we were munching and enjoying her good cooking she was standing at some distance at another table that had bowls full of her delicacies, and waiting to refill our plates. I said to her: “Why don’t you come and sit with us?” She shook her head. Only then I realized this is the custom of which I had heard earlier. The wife serves husband, children and guests first and only eats herself after all are finished eating.

This was not a single incident. Last year I was invited for lunch and went with a friend. First we sat only with the husband in the living room though the wife was introduced to us. When we sat down for lunch the wife stood at the table we were sitting at. She served her husband, my friend and me in this order and made sure the next helping was on the plate before the last bite was swallowed. Once we were finished eating we retreated to a sitting area. I guess that was the time when the wife ate her lunch. Later when we said our good byes we did not see her anymore.

Another lunch invitation happened in 2017. I was served first even before the husband who followed next, then the rest of the family had lunch with the wife last. I again was assured, it is tradition.

In all three cases the families were middle class educated families. The lunch invitations happened between 2007 and 2017.

(C) 2015 Udaysree Nithyananda – All Rights Reserved.
Excerpt from ‘ARUNACHALA – Living in the Foothills of a Sacred Mountain in South India’